Re-read That!

Do you re-read a book you have read before? I do.

Sometimes, the story change. As per my point of view in life, perhaps? Sometimes there is a point in the story that I didn't quite get until that second or third reading. When it actually happened in my life.. that totally change everything. Total empathy with the story.

Sometimes I hate the book on the first time. After a few years, perhaps, it may not seem so bad. I can justify the 'badness' of the story. Or I love it the couple of times I read it, then WHAM! Hate it hate it hate it on the third reading. Too happily-ever-after-ly? Too sad? The story just change, at least for me.

So after sometimes I tend to re-read a book I've read again. Of course I can vaguely remember the storyline and what to expect from the book.. but the feeling sometimes change. But some books stays forever. Like "If You Can See Me Now' by Cecilia Ahern. I just love her books. They have magic.

I guess the tendency to re-read books comes from frugality. I can't buy books everytime! I wish I can , though. Books are expensive around here. At least the kind of books that I like do. But I gotta READ! I just can't just sit around doing nothing without reading. The sheer boredom! So now frugality has turned to habit. And I kinda like it. And I'll have my fave parts of a fave book that I'll thumb straight to it. Or I'll skip parts that I don't really enjoy.. I feel bad doing that sometimes.. but I can't take sadness too many time, surely. It'll get to me. There were times when my hubby will ask 'That must be a sad book' when he saw me crying. He knows me very well. :')

Anyway, I got 4 books yesterday on a Sale.Yippee!! Finished reading last night. I makes me miss my bestfriends and all the times we had together.. The is some old saying, 'Even if we lost it, at least we have had it once'. Or at least that's how I thought it sound lol!

Thus, my love affair with books. Not many, but well loved. Cheers, my loves!

Be nice, thank you.

Just because you are blind
doesn't mean the world has no colour

saying mean things about others
doesn't make you a nicer person

screaming 'I'm lonely' at the top of your lungs
doesn't make loneliness go way

being nice is so easy
but is it the same for you?

Being a Mother and Daughter

As I read through the development of my kid, I came across some things that make me remember things in my life. What it was like when I was young. Like this one article, how kids feel safe and secure when they smell their parents, or see them, or touch them, or just being near. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, scared witless, monsters following me everywhere, and nobody was awake. No chance of waking up my brother to keep me company, he was a worse scaredicat than I was lol! So I went from room to room, squeezing in with anyone of my 4 older brothers and sisters, hoping to hitchhike on their sweet, undisturbed dream. Alas! To no avail. So what did a 5 year old to do? Dragged the blankie and slept at mom's and dad's feet. Until now, I never even remember what happened in the morning. It was that peaceful.

As I look at my daughter's growth each day, her being so happy and healthy, I hope that she will love me always. I misunderstood my mom as not loving me, not caring, doesn't know me at all and most of all, doesn't understand me, up until I had my baby. That was when I was 27 years old. Phew! That was a long wait for a mom! I hope my kids will always know that I love them, that no matter what happens, I'm always there for them. That even through their rebellious teenage years, they always remember that.. Mummy is always here.. That I love you..

I said it before and I say it again, being a mother makes you a better daughter. I love you, mom! ^_^



Picture credit : lisaharald.deviantart.com

Food for Thought or Food for Life?

I am warming my hands on a hot cup of coffee, a newly discovered favourite drink for life. I know, I know, everyone's been drinking coffee for centuries, so this is totally old news. But it is for me:) It's great to know I won't have headaches after half a cup of coffee, or feel a bit dizzy on a sip of latte. So now I drink it anytime I can lay my hands on it, even went hunting for good ones in shops after shops with dear hubby ;P
He's probably the main reason I started drinking coffee, as he doesn't like tea so much ( which I totally love! ), and cocoa drinks are too expensive these days.. I've to learn how to make yummy coffee, and for that I've to taste.. and BAM! I CAN DRINK COFFEE!! Who would have thought? My sister was even surprised when I told her I drink coffee lol.

I have thought that our taste buds are arranged around what we eat when we are young, like if your mother cooks spicy food all the time, it's most likely that you will like spicy food. But of course, food tasting is always an adventure. For the conservative eaters, there is no way he'll try that japanese ramen! I do like to venture into new kind of food, I'm alright with takoyaki:) But some wouldn't touch it lol. The smell is enough to keep them away! 

What do you know, taste buds are a weird species. Give it to me and I'll say, Mamma Mia! That's so good! But give it to the next person, urghh!! There are still a lot of food that I wince even thinking about it lol! My top no no is corn pudding, corn juice or anything corn that is cook disguise in food! Ughh!! Next is fruit cake! In short, please don't cook fruit for me please! And no, I don't like apple pie. Sorry...

Having said that, I am now a less picky eater than before. I've to admit, my pregnancy has diverse my culinary experience a lot lol! Actually, I am like any other person who eat selective veggie types.. But during my pregnancy, I can't get enough of veggies!! I'll scout for the shop that has the most veggies on display and pile my plates with them. I'll devour them lushly! Alhamdulillah, now my daughter can't get enough of it too. Give her to choose between a slice of tomato and a piece of chicken, she'll pick tomato any day! (Though she's not so keen on carb. Should I be worried?)

Anyway, more ways than one, my tastebuds has grown.. and become a better person ( is it a person?lol ) And I love it! Now I won't be seen as a picky eater anymore, yeay! AND I won't miss out on a lot of food, too! Double yeay!

Are you a picky eater? Have you miraculously changed your eating habit ever? Do you looove food? :D

Yesterday

Sometimes I remember yesterday
The beautiful lights, the laughing faces
the adorable friends and talked-into-midnights
It makes me yearn for yesterday

Oh heart!
Yearn not for what you don't have
Hope not for what's not within grasp
Look around
And find
The love of today
The hugs you've receive today
The sun shines and smiles...

The farthest.. is the past..
tomorrow.. is still far away..
today.. make the most of today...

Life and Thankfulness

When I am happy in life, I forgot
A lot of things
Often I forgot to be thankful
Even for the happiness I feel inside

But when I am sad
Or angry
Or frustrated
I tend to look at the brighter things in life
So that I can smile again
So that my heart can heal
And I feel life is bearable again

Thankful for the sweet little smile
And the little hand that always reach out to me
And no matter what
She'll come to me
That she loves me
And needs me

For this peace I have
That I haven't felt before
That rage, sadness and frustration can't take away

That I'm not sick
Healthier than ever
I am thankful

I hope
To remember this
When I'm happy
Not to forget
For those who are thankful, will be rewarded with more
I wish to be thankful.

Too much of a good thing..

Too much of a good thing.. I wonder.. whether we will be spoilt if our life is so easy and good? No problems, no major heartbreak, nothing unpleasant ever occur, no changes..
Will we never learn? Will our hearts be as hard as stone? For tears soften the hearts.. Hardship strengthen our soul. Even annoying people make us more patient.

Like a diamond, so pure, so beautiful. Craved by all eyes that gaze upon it.
How did it got here? From deep under the earth.
Undergone extreme heat and pressure.
For millions of years..
Now
It is so strong, nothing else can cut through it
It gleams with beauty
And the value is ever so high

    

Put a carrot, an egg and coffee in a container each
Boil the water
What's the end?
Carrot, hard and proud, has soften, to the point of crumble
Egg, from soft liquid inside, it has turn hard
But coffee, ah you have got to give it to coffee!
What a delight you have become
You didn't change yourself! You change the water you are in
Tasty, fresh coffee.. refreshing.. Fancy a cup?

Life is a choice
As who we want to become
Allah has shown us the way
The way of Nabi pbuh
The way to success and excellence...

My Secret Life

i have a secret life
i dance with the trees
whenever you are not looking

the leaves rustling
the tree dancing to the tune of my heart
within me
i was spinning
dizzy
in a world of my own
the trees laugh at my silly antics
i welcome their stories
i dance away
and the wind sang to us
whispering at my ears
caressing my cheeks
making the dance ever more frantic

the leaves smile at me
beconing me to come closer
seductively
saying all sorts of nice things
making me smile
ah, you know my mood so well
oh friend of mine

Choice

We remember the hard bitter days
And forget warm sunny days
Why let dark clouds grey our days
We choose what we feel inside
Look for the butterfly in the midst of battle
Notice the budding flower
Listen to the wind..
Don't let it all lost to us.

Let's not be a person who does not look outside the window..

Welcome Aboard, Maz!

My BFF, Maz has decided to joint blog-writing with me! Hooray! I'm so happy. We have been best friends since high school, but now we live miles apart. One of the reason why we are joining here is to keep up with each other, life after kids sure doesn't allow for that long midnight calls or leisurely walks on the beach like we used to do;) Sure miss those lovely times. But friends are like stars, not always seen, but always there :)

Maz is the nicest person, with a twinkle in her eyes. ^_^ We have shared our deepest thoughts and feelings for so long. Now we want to share them here! So Maz, hope you'll make yourself at home. Here is life as we see it, as other people probably see it differently anyways.

Cheers to Maz! Let's take life at our pace and tell it exactly as we see it. Welcome to lovely Maz!

Unconditional Love

I went home last week. Urm, my parents' house actually, but that should be the cosiest place to be apart from my own home. So, I haven't gone home for a long time. I miss it so.. Boy, am I glad to be a child to someone instead of being a parent all the time. It was soooo nice being taken care of for a while. I know I should be taking care of my parents instead, but I guess old habit dies hard. I would have to compete with mom if I want to do chores around the house, believe me! She is so fast and efficient, I would be running out of breath trying to just keep up!

Anyway, going home has always been therapeutic. For those reasons above, of course. And I realize something I never did before. I know we kids always did something that our parents doesn't like, and sometimes hurt them. I am a rebellious kid, for one. Always did what others didn't do, whenever I think it is the right thing to do. But I never actually see the impact. Last week, I said something, and I saw mom walk away, looking down, with a sad face. Astagfirullah! Did I just hurt her? I mean, my visiting her should be a happy time.. but unintentionally I hurt her feelings. I feel so bad. Now that I'm a mother, I know that no one will console your heart, only Allah. I vow to never hurt her again. It just heartbreaking looking at her like that. I wish I can take it back. I'm sorry, mom. I love you, I truly do. I must have hurt mom a gazillion times all these years. But never once did she complaints, just patiently guiding me throughout my growing up years.. 

Only a mother can love unconditionally (a father too!) AND be patient with whatever whims we come out with.   What about your mother? Did you ever hurt her? When did you last call her? Did you miss her?

Random Act of Kindness Week - Let's Do!

Everything Under The Moon is having A Random Act of Kindness this week! That sounds lovely! Let's do one thing today that is kind to someone. You know, simple things like holding out the door or help pick up someone's coin that fell on the floor (and give back to that person!lol). My head is a bit slow right now, but I'm sure I can think of something that I can do later!



This nice quote is taken from the her blog:)

Will post updates!

Missing..

I miss my sun
It's just so cloudy these days
I wish it will rain
At least I can meet the rainbow..

Rain and love..



It's raining cats and dogs today. And boy, don't I love rain! I used to love playing in the rain, its just refreshing and plan fun! And the smell that it carries is so good. Of course, hungry tummy comes as a package :P Hmm.. what's breakfast today?
The moonsoon promises lots of rain and sometimes flood in some places. Still, it's lovely. Sitting here listening to the raindrops... peaceful and serene.. watching the world goes by wet and cold.. When everyday is just so hot, rain is most welcomed! I have a secret relationship with rain. I have fallen in love with rain long ago. And today, rain has visited me again. Alhamdulillah. May Allah bring alive my heart as He brought alive the dead earth that has been poured with rain.

Should I go and trampled in the rain? My daughter might want to follow, lol!

Sweet life

credit:http://gypsypurplehome.tumblr.com

Ahh.. Life's sweet perks. Do you have any idea how nice it is to type on a smooth keyboard after that typewrite-like ancient keyboard? My fingers are practically purring on these baby. Alhamdulillah. There are so many things to be thankful about in this life. And moments like this makes yesterday's tears bearable.

Life is full of hardship, and no matter who we are, we are always faced with decision, choices, pain, bitterness, hurt... In those moments, sometimes we cry or vent. We are only human, after all. And then, it is really our choice to continue to be enveloped in those sad feelings or to go on. Truly, do we gain any benefit from doing so? We will face it every day. It's not going to go away. But we can choose wha our feelings will be. To smile or to drown in sadness.

There was a time when my family was in a real bad condition. My sister was down with terrible illness, and we will be up all night taking care of her. Our house was in shambles, my mom was shedding tears every night (not that she lets me see). Every morning I had to haul myself o work, leaving mom and dad taking care of sis. During the day sister normally will sleep with exhaustion so everyone can rest too. But I've got to go to work. And I choose to smile all day even it kills me. You know what? Even though I was thinking about it, Alhamdulillah smiling makes it bearable. Laughing with friends puts sadness at bay. Talking about nonsense keeps me sane. Prayers give calms me the most. It's the little things that makes life okay. That I know you-are-there, you-miserable-thing, but-hey-I-can-do-this!

That was ages ago. I guess I'm merely reminding myself to that thoughts now that I am in calm wheather in between storm. It's easy to give in to anger and hate, but truly, negative emotions just seeps our energy and crush our motivation. I don't know about you, but someone once told me, the funniest guy in the room probably has the biggest problem among all. But no one knows except him. I may not be the funniest guy, but perhaps taking things easily helps. Not easily as in not seriously! You know what I mean!

credit : google.au

Now I just want to enjoy the lovely morning and this contentment within my heart. Keep it there when the next storm blew in, if possible. And go kiss my daughter and smell her morning hair, all sticking out. And melt when she smiles, knowing that mummy's there. I already got my share of hugs from dear hubby! His perfume just makes me fall in love all over again. What a lovely morning. And most importantly say a prayer of thanks to Allah for all the sweetness of life. Gratefulness will endow more rewards, insha Allah. Alhamdulillah. May Allah bless us all.

How do you face your sad moments? Are you thankful of what you have now? Lets count our blessing! :)

Life and Death

Last week was pretty hectic. My dearest sister had to undergo C-section immediately due to position of her baby. She was so nervous because it was all so sudden and she wasn't prepared mentally or physically. I was quite surprised when she mention that cause she is the tough one among us, never showing her weak side. Glad to be there for her, though.  Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly and we have a new family member! Welcome baby girl! I've yet to visit them as I just got in town. Soon, Insha Allah.

The very same day, we receive a call saying the decease of a relative. It was kinda.. sudden. You see, she is deaf (although she can read lips when we talk) and lives alone in a wooden house that has fallen through halfway.Her parents and her brother has passed away. She was brought up in wealth. And towards the end of her life, her source of income and her properties has been robbed by a very greedy distant relative.  It was always sad when my mother and I talk about her. My mom tries as much as she can to help her, but short of asking her to live together, its kinda hard to really help all the time, you know?

Subhanallah! Allah is Most Merciful. On the day of her death, she went to the clinic (I forgot to ask mom what was her illness). She died there. Subhanallah. I mean, Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun (from Allah we come and to Allah we go back). But I realize that Allah is so Kind that He guides her to the clinic so that she won't die alone. Subhanallah! Her body has been bathed and prayers and burial has been done on the very same day. It was all so easy. May Allah place her among the believers and forgive all her sins for all the hardship that she has to go through. Perhaps without all the wealth of this world, she'll run through Siratul mustaqim easily, Insha Allah.
Alfatiha.

Counting my blessing. Alhamdulillah. Thank You, Allah for all the things You has given me. A loving husband and a beautiful daughter, and mom and dad! I love you all. Alhamdulillah.

Love Is In the Air

When you are a mother, you become a better daughter.

In a lot of ways, that s true. Every beautiful moment spent with precious daughter gives a glimps of what beautiful feeling mom probably had with me. However possessive I be, however protective, the surge of affection, extreme worries, unlimited love, ability to forgive! Subhanallah.. And I thought mom doesn't know me as well as my friends did back in high school. That only my bestfriends know me best. How silly! Mom probably doesn't know about all my teenage crush or friends' troubles, but she knows my cloudy days. I think, even though mom never says it, but she knows best. And that makes me want to bawls over T__T
I love mom so much.

And today I got another lesson... A wife can know only so much about her husband, but a mother! Give a mother a few hours with her kid and she knows either he's happy or troubled... And again the level of patience! Everyday is a a new lesson.  And I am nothing if not a learner. I learn everyday and will always be learning, Insha Allah.

A mother's love is very powerful, it's a different kind of love altogether from love towards one's another half. You give and don't expect to receive back. In fact, sometimes you expect to receive the perfect opposite and accept it calmly so as to allow the child to learn her lesson. It's very bizarre for a first time mummy. But full of contentment. Shouting, yes, that too. But the kiss and hugs from my pumpkin pie is heartmelting. Let's not break the mood talk about adolescent yet, shall we. Let enjoy toddlerhood first. Just beautiful.

Love your mom. I love mine! :)

Venting

Funny to start a blog this way. I just wanna vent. Or talk about venting. Specifically venting out your anger from your system. When you are mad, you feel like you want to hurl anything in your path, scream your lungs out, and well, whoever unlucky enough to cross your path will certainly feel your wrath for the simplest mistake, such as existing. But when you can't do any of those, what do you do? Venting your feeling the 'nice' way. The craziest thing that helps me to channel my anger is cleaning. I'll clean everything. wash the bathroom, mop the floor, sweep the ceiling fan, fold laundry.. until the anger fads away. Until I get tired. But be warned, do not cross my path. I've warned my dearest not to come close at these critical times, as I really don't want to inflict any injury on anyone's feeling. It works for me..

Sometimes I simply get away for everyone and sit at a corner. But this is not so effective as I will be focusing all my energy on my anger, unlike household chores where over time the tasks will overtake my brain. I tried reading, but there's no use. I can't read a word. Reading Quran also helps, Alhamdulillah. Spiritually of course it helps, and physically after reciting it as loud as I want, I simply got tired. Venting accomplised.

The latest, I discovered that just talking about what i feel at the moment also works. Well, as ethics call, I can't tell a soul about what's disturbing me. Thus simply telling someone that I feel mad, unhappy or demotivated helps. it's like magic. Like i take that negativity, place it in the box and  put away where the sun will never shine on it. and that's enough. And I am thankful, Alhamdulillah. Allah is Great. Thank You, Allah. your gift is the greatest of all. And my heart now feel heavy with contentment. Alhamdulillah.