Monday, 19 November 2012

Life Test: Pass or Fail?

Life is a neverending series of test. If we pass the test, we will step up another level. But if we fail, we have to go through it again. And again. Until we pass the test.

When we pass, we either emerge a better person, or a bitter one. We might learn a lesson or ten. It's up to us, really. To look positively and pick up the fruits of the test.See the beautiful rainbow after the storm. Or choose to hate everyone and blame everything.

Easier said than done, you might say. There are, of course some situations where it is really, really hard to be optimistic. I agree. That it simply drives you crazy. Please let this be over, my thoughts will be. And for me, the only way to say sane throughout, is to always, always put my hope, prayers, and thoughts to Allah.

I used to hear people say, talking to someone takes half the burden away. Or something like that. But as I reach adulthood, I find there are lesser and lesser people willing to hear. There are good friends that drifted away. Some people changed. Or simply too swamped with their own problems and lives. New friends takes time. Trust takes time.

Thus I realized. Yes, I need to talk to someone. I need to get it off my chest. I need a good cry sometimes. Someone I can rely on. Who will always listen to me.  Never tire of my neverending requests and hopes. Never bored of my tears and sorrow. And who will grant my prayers. Allah Subhanawataala.

And so I find that when I keep close to His path, my life is easier and calmer. Easier in the sense that with oncoming tests there is always, always an unexpected thing that help, ease or completely solve the thing. You see, I am a worrywart, always am. I worry a lot, think too much of pretty much everything. I guess I used to be anxious all the time. It stressed me out. Even when I was happy, I worry.

Then I found that I don‘t have to be. Because everything is out of my control. What I CAN do, is follow His rules, by the way of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh. And perform solat, as much as possible, and say du‘a a lot. It is important to pray not just that special prayer to request and ask what we want; the five daily obligatory prayers must also be observed. By means of observing prayers, I mean to pray early i.e. pray as soon as we hear the call of prayer. Be mindful of the way we take ablution; ensure to have complete or perfect ablution, following the sunnah closely. To constantly increase our concentration or khusyuk in prayer.In order to keep close to Allah, and have Him keep a very close tab on us, we must always maintain good relationship with Him. And most importantly, we must cleanse our hearts that all creations have no power whatsoever to bring good or harm to us, but Allah. Purify our hearts from hoping to His creations; whether it is money, medication, friends, parents, jobs, even ourselves. Complete submission to Him. When we put ourselves in His control, He will take care of us. If we hope that His creations will solve our problems, how can we expect Him to help us?

Allah‘s help will come to His people, people who completely submit to Him and take care to follow His command and law by way of the Prophet pbuh. Thus we must recite Lailahaillallah as much as we can. It has the biggest value in the entire universe. And another way to get help from Allah is to increase recitation of istighfar. Astagfirullah. It is such an easy thing to do yet so hard?

To be under His watch and protection all the time is so reassuring. If I used to be anxious before, I must say that His love has made me very calm and mostly at ease. I couldn‘t change who I am, thus I still worry. But now my worries have been redirected... Worries for this ummah..

I pray that I will never go astray again..

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Bye-bye Mr Flu *hint*

It's one of those days. It's raining cats and dogs outside, and everyone is having the flu. ( I even forgotten to enjoy the rain! )  My MIL was the first to get it, coughing and having slight fever. Then hubby's temperature rise. Then me and Sha. Sha had it for about five minutes and was bouncing and climbing all over the place. While the rest of us moped, telling her not to climb or get everything out of the drawer.. zzzzzzzzz... I couldn't lift an eyelid for the whole of the weekend. Literally. I can't possibly let her demolishes the house, can I? Lol.

That was Friday and today Sha is down with fever again. I'm still best friends with Mr Flu but secretly hoping he'd take the hint and go back home. My little girl sleeps with high temperature, whimpers as I gave her a sponge bath, and jumps like nothing happens when she wakes up!! Then she went back to sleep with fever again. Where did that burst of energy comes from? She is such a wonder! Once, she had a high temperature going to almost 40 degree Celcius but she was still jumping and running! The doctor said, well, if she's this active, she must have cured! Sha is like that, she has this hidden energy reserve somewhere, kept especially for fever purposes! Sleep+fever, awake+no fever!

Anyway, there is always a silver lining, right? Now that she's asleep, I can continue with my sewing projects, yeay!!

Oppsss... she's awake. Better get ready for another jump-a-thon! :)

Friday, 24 February 2012

Happy Birthday!

Last Sunday, my baby turned two. Okay, she is now a toddler. I think I prefer to call her my little girl. Toddler sounds a bit... rebellious. And mischievous. Which is exactly she right. Full of energy and ideas how to turn the house upside down maximize learning from her surrounding. Always laughing and making funny sounds and expressions! She is so much fun. Of course, right now she is learning about gravity (which involve dropping everything from the table to the floor and pouring a jug of milk). Oh well, perhaps I have to restructure he lessons lol!

Anyway, her birthday was uneventful. All of us were tired from travelling (that is another post), so at first we didn't know whether to get a cake from the nearby bakery or not. So, laundry was washed and hung, lunch was eaten (honestly I couldn't remember any cooking done that day, most probably we ordered out! lol), but none of us have the energy to crawl out of the house.

Later that evening, my mom dropped by, saying that she thought we would go to her house and celebrate. Lol she discussed with my mother in law and forgot to tell me. Anyway, my dearest mom brought muffins from Kenny Rogers (yum!) and puddings she made herself (double yum!). Sorry mom! We were totally exhausted. The yummy treats perhaps make us want to celebrate a tiny bit more. But neither me or my husband wanted to go out. So that's that.

Out of the blue, after maghrib prayer, my mother in law announced that she bought a birthday cake! My little girl is lucky, isn't she? She finally got a cake! So we celebrate in simplicity, just the four of us... and Sha get to blow her candles over and over again. (Hubby blow the candle the first time lol).

What do you know! It wasn't so bad, afer all! Simple food, but it was a lively event.

Of course marked by Sha that is running back and forth, too excited to eat! She had about a bite of everything and a sip of water, she even refused her ever favourite ice-cream-mmm!

My little girl was happy (and messy). And  so are we:)


Tuesday, 10 January 2012

It's Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry

Little kids are the most forgiving lot. They fight today, and tomorrow, business as usual. By business I mean play, of course. Scold them for breaking the window, they cry themselves to sleep, wake up and ask for dinner. Previous shouting forgotten. Was it because they didn't remember? Or because there are too many things to do (play)? Anyhow, most kids really don't have too much time to keep an argument for long.

The duration for forgiveness lengthen as we grow. The older we are, the harder it takes for us to forgive. Ego? Perhaps. Or the baggage that we carry makes us view things differently. Makes things hurt deeply than they should. Our sensitivity gets more acute. And wounds gets harder to heal. 

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It is quite common to hear adults and old people argue and disagree for days, weeks, years even. Each refuse to apologize. Why is it so hard to say I'm sorry. Pride gets in the way, always. Scared it'll make us look weak. Why should I say sorry, I'm not the guilty one here, he is. 

Hatred creates a strong invisible attachment to the person. More than you realize. Sometimes more than the person you love. You don't ever want to see his face, hear his voice. Always glad (if not wishing) to hear bad news about him. You go out of your way NOT to see or hear him. So you actually making an effort. Of course, everything that relates to that hated person by default also hated. That shirt, this colour, her children, this smell. See how attached you are? Hating is tiring. It drains your energy. 

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Hatred makes you bitter. Forgiving gives you freedom. You are FREE!! Your heart is does not ache anymore. It's a million times lighter than before. You may even get your friend/love back! Try it. It's worth a try. No ego will be bruised. And you'll feel younger! Like a little kid.

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There is a story about two kids that were fighting, Hasan and Husin. As a result, they refuse to talk to each other. Then the Prophet pbuh went to see one of them, saying that Allah swt promise him a palace in the heaven if he forgive the other. Then the Prophet went to see the other boy and told him the same promise from Allah swt. But neither boy apologized. Upon seeing this, the Prophet pbuh asked them, why did they not apologize? It was because each want the other to have the castle, thus letting the other asks for forgiveness first. 

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The price for a forgiveness is a palace in the heaven!  That is how hard it is to apologize, that the reward is so big. For the two boys, they love each other so much, they'd rather part with the palace and give it to the other! I think I'd probably jump at the offer straightway. And then thought, oh dear, I should have given it to the other. Lol. If I think that way at all. ;p

Anyway, forgive everyone everyday, just like a kid. So that we can be friends again tomorrow. :) 

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Sunday, 8 January 2012

Surprise Kiss

My little girl kissed me last night. I know, not a big deal, huh? But it is. You see, she has now reach the stage where kisses are a No-no. You can kiss her like, once, and then she'll be wriggling out our your arms. Screaming. For. Her. Life. Or try asking her to kiss you. You'll be lucky if she kiss the air about one centimeter from your cheek, muahs! If she's feeling like it, she'll put HER cheek to your cheek. That is lucky number two. Most of the time she'll ignore you, like you haven't said a word. I think bribery with ice cream might wield me a peck on the cheek too.

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Oh, how kisses are a luxury now. Gone are the days when she'll laugh with happiness are you kiss her cheeks with all your heart's desire. One cheek each for mummy and daddy. Those cheeks are made to be kissed! But kisses no more.

So what bring that unexpected puckered lips last night? She was having colic, and sleep was hard to come. Like any other mum, I slathered medicated oil on her tummy, ankle and legs and started massaging. She was wriggly, still trying to run away from being massage. Ah, my baby is growing up. Loves her freedom. But I told her to stay put as I'm trying to put the oil on her. Asked her to pray so that Allah will take her pain away. So she did, and I keep massaging. Around here, it is quite common that when baby is having colic, and the mother massaging the baby will kind of 'get' the wind. So I got bloated Lol. Horrible feeling! But anything so that my baby will get better. Anyway, as I rub and massage and saying nice things to her, at one point I kissed her tummy. Kissed it better? Alhamdulillah, I must admit that must have worked. Then she smiled at me and get up, pucker her lips and smack! A kiss on the lips! And another. And another. (she did stop at three). Awwwww....

So my day way totally made. It was totally awesome to have that kiss. Mindblowing. I cried a little lol. It was just so sweet. After days of kisses draught, I got three. Btw, I haven't tell my hubby yet. He'll definitely be so jealous, he probably will start rubbing medication oil! Lol.

I truly treasure the kisses. As my little girl (no longer a baby!) grows up everyday, there are a lot of things whe'll grow out of, too. Frankly, I thought she will deny access to her cheeks when she is probably 3 or 4 years old! Little did I know. She's growing up so fast.

My heart is still melted. She's not up yet, so I'll get my share of kisses for now. Sleep is probably one of those times when she allows kisses (though she did opened her eyes wide when I kissed her just now! lol). Ah, the joy of motherhood. Even a kiss is treasured.

Love is all around :))

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Thursday, 5 January 2012

Happy New Year! (resolution??)

Happy new year. Not too late yet, eh? So, as commonly as ever, when the new year comes, along with it the new year resolutions. What's yours? Lose weight? Be kinder? Save more money? Get a boyfriend? Get married?

I make none.

Frankly, I don't really believe in New Year's resolutions. They just sound so grand and hold such great responsibilities and makes you feel oh, it's so overwhelming.. at least for me it is. And keeping track is just troublesome.. And to wait another year to make a new resolution is too far away lol.. You see, I'm the kind of person who forget things. Alright, I'm forgetful. There, I said it.

So, I most probably won't remember any resolution by end of the first month. So that leaves me about a month to fulfill all my resolutions! Lol. Let's not kill myself with resolutions then!

I just think it's good to reflect on ourselves everyday.. not just to find what we need to improve but also giving that much needed pat on our shoulder for that small achivement we made that day. Nothing is too small to celebrate! Give ourselves a break and smile! That small feat might have taken us the most effort we have. And at least to smile at ourselves, feeling thankful that we actually can do it!  Forgive ourselves and others, too! Hey, we might do that thing we never meant to do, or make mistakes so hugh, it's killing us inside.. But we need to forgive ourselves, and let go..

I always put myself as a learner, or perhaps a student? I learn new things everyday. Even now. How to cook, how to make my kid laugh and yet learn, how to lose my temper less, how to keep calm and happy in times of turmoil..

So I guess I kind of do it everyday. The resolutions, I mean. Small ones, big ones. Cook, sew, love, teach, forgive.. Kinda hard, but easier to remember! Lol. That's just me. I've never been mainstream.. I just like to be different. But that is for another post.

So, what's your new year resolutions? 

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