Sister love.. mother love..

I have a special sister. She's been diagnosed with Aattention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). When she was about 4 year old, she was jumping on my mother's bed when she fell. She hit her head on a corner of a table. There was an internal bleeding inside her head. She was hospitalized and put in a coma for 2 days. Allah.. that was really heartbreaking. I forgot how long she was in ICU. Things were never the same again since.

Having a disabled sister or OKU (Orang Kurang Upaya), is really challenging. She needs constant monitoring. Plus she is actually really brilliant. She can let herself out of the house no matter how my mother locks the door or the front gate. She watches the door for any moments of carelessness. And then she will run and run and run as fast as she can. Sometimes she goes to the playground. A couple of times she went and sit on a divider by the roadside. A few times she manages to get to the shops nearby.

There was a time, my sister, who stays in KL, called home and said that our disabled sister is already at the shop. As it happens, a friend of hers who was nearby gave her a call. And we didn't even realized she was gone yet! Mind you, the shop is actually about 8 minutes walking distance. My mom probably just turns her head around, tending to cooking or stuff. Everytime this kind of thing happens my mother will get into panic mode and will start shouting and run out to get her! It's just crazy. She still does this sometimes now, though she's not as fast as she used to, now that she more than 110kg. She is definitely overweight (because of all the medication that she has to take) but she's still very fast.!

I used to think she's a nuisance. I couldn't play outside because I of her. I couldn't play with my relatives during 'kenduri' (family feasts) because I had to look after her, so that my mom can help out. My mom is always on the run, chasing her. She was also pretty violent, she used to bite and hit people. I was annoyed frequently. You know, being a regular kid or teenager, your normal sister annoys you. This is a disabled sister. How annoying can she be? Argghhhh!!! That's how.

But once I had my own daughter, things seems... different. I look at my sister and my mom in a new light. I see her through my mother's eyes. I look past my own emotions of annoyance and irritation, and see her as my own daughter. O Allah, how does my mother feels that night we slept outside the ICU corridor? Does mom cry every time my sister had seizure? Does her heart breaks when sis was poked with all sorts of needles and tubes? When the doctor said she is not the same as the other kids? When she realized sis will never be able to take care of herself? My heart breaks.

Now she is 21 years old and I think mentally she is about three or four years old. My nieces and nephews and my kids, they will grow up, Insha Allah, but my sister most probably won't (mentally). She stays at home  with my mom because she constantly has seizure. My mom and dad wants to send her to some kind of rehabilitation center for disable people, but they are unable to because of the seizures.

I pray to Allah that sis will be placed in His highest heaven. She has been through so much pain and sadness. And my parents too, for being patient with her all these years. Forgive all our sins, O Allah.
May Allah grant my prayers. Ameen.

Sun and Rain

wbrz.com

It's been pretty hot in the last few months. Or should I say the past year? Sunny day everyday. Even during monsoon months. Except for a few days before a flash flood on the day before christmas. Most of the time the rain didn't fall wholeheartedly around here anymore. Mostly the sky got dark and I was like, 'Yeay! It's going to rain!' Then it rained for about half an hour and then it stopped. The pavement wasn't even properly wet yet. It was dry in probably an hour. Ah, my dear rain, please fall some more. I can use some more of your presence..

kingvhearts.blogspot

Alhamdulillah, the past week had been a bit cooler. Rainy day everyday but still, the day didn't get as cold as when I was a kid. These days it just get cooler, not actually cold. And the smell.. it was different. It smelled kinda..funny. Like the air was not properly cleaned. Like there was some kind of dirt still lingering in the air. Not that sweet after-rain smell like it used to be. That made me...sad. Like a friend that didn't turn up for a date. I really miss the rainy days of the old times.. The sound, the humidity, the smell, the temperature.. 

Well, I shouldn't be sad when Allah has already given me what I prayed for, right? Looking on the bright side, my laundry dries really quick. Though being a full time housewife means I can't escape the heat to the cool air conditioned offices most people go to everyday. Well, my previous workplace was what we called 'Everest', as in Mount Everest because it would get really, really cold. Don't worry, we do have air conditioner in my bedroom but it dries my throat so, and my kids will later sneeze and cough too. I don't like to turn it on so much. So I pray for Allah to make the days cooler. Hence He sent down the rain.

Anyway, I come across this ad on the net about a sun tan studio in KL. I'm like, WHAT!!??!! What do you need tanning studio in Malaysia for? Seriously, I just got back from Langkawi and down at the beach, the only people sunning themselves are foreigners. Local people find shades, trees, rocks. The authorities even made a few small erm, huts for us Malaysian to stay away from the sun. Malaysian were either in the water or under shades. Sunning is really not a Malaysian thing. So what's with this tanning studio really? In case there is no sun??? Have you ever step out of your home-cars-offices-restaurants-gyms-shopping malls and look up into the sky? This is pretty ridiculous, people.. You cannot escape the sun around here... Imagine sun tan studio in Miami... or Hawaii. I really don't get it. It's HOT! Okay I'm getting excited. lol. Must be the heat ^_^

Subhanallah, looks like it's going to rain again! Alhamdulillah! Yippe!! Please please please make it rain O Allah! Malaikat Mikhail (angel) will send down the rain following Allah's orders on where to drop each raindrop..

What is the weather like at your place right now?

Life and Thankfulness

When I am happy in life, I forgot
A lot of things
Often I forgot to be thankful
Even for the happiness I feel inside

But when I am sad
Or angry
Or frustrated
I tend to look at the brighter things in life
So that I can smile again
So that my heart can heal
And I feel life is bearable again

Thankful for the sweet little smile
And the little hand that always reach out to me
And no matter what
She'll come to me
That she loves me
And needs me

For this peace I have
That I haven't felt before
That rage, sadness and frustration can't take away

That I'm not sick
Healthier than ever
I am thankful

I hope
To remember this
When I'm happy
Not to forget
For those who are thankful, will be rewarded with more
I wish to be thankful.